Jokes Page
Well strictly speaking, if you want serious jokes or observations, then come and see my UK Tour.
But enough of me, this is another page for you to take part in.
Just use the mail box below and send me your favorite jokes. But please, not too risky, they're will be people of all ages browsing this. I may have to add an Adult joke section that can only be accessed with a Net Nanny or Age Checker for jokes of a stronger nature. But that will have to be at a later date.
When I was born I was black, when I grew up I was black, when I am sick I am black, when I go out in the sun I am black, when I am cold I am black, when I die I am black. But you:when you are born you are pink, when you grow up you are white, when you are sick you are green, when you are out in the sun you go red, when you are cold you turn blue,when you die you turn purple. So why do you call me coloured ?
When I was younger, I knew a boy who went to a posh school, had been failing for a long time to go up another year. The school board came together and decided to ask him one question and if he got it right, he would go up to the next year. The new start of term, they brought him up on stage at assembly and ask him what is 2+2? After much deliberation he says 4? At the back of the hall, the rest of the school and teachers starts chanting, give him another chance, give him another chance!
Subject and verb always has to agree. -Do not use a foreign term when there is an adequate English quid pro quo. -It behooves the writer to avoid archaic expressions. -Do not use hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it effectively. -Avoid clichés like the plague. -Mixed metaphors are a pain in the neck and should be thrown out the window. -Placing a comma between subject and predicate, is not correct. -Parenthetical words however must be enclosed in commas. -Consult a dictionary frequently to avoid mispelling. -Don't be redundant. -Don't repeat yourself or say what you have said before. -Remember to never split an infinitive. -The passive voice should not be used. -Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. -Don't use no double negatives. -Proofread carefully to see if you have any words out. -Hopefully, you will use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. -Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do. -Avoid colloquial stuff. -No sentence fragments. -Remember to finish what
Tell me this, does,,,,,
1024 microphones = 1 megaphone, 10 rations = 1 decoration, 10 millipedes = 1 centipede, 1 centipede/second = 1 velocipede, 3 1/3 tridents = 1 decadent, 5 holocausts = 1 Pentecost, 2x1000 bicycles = 2 megacycles, 10 monologues = 5 dialogues = 1 decalogue, 5 grams = 1 pentagram, 5 monocles = 1 pentacle, 10 decimates = 1 mate, 10 milliners = 1 center ,10 embers = 1 December, 10 dents = 1 decadent, 100 decides = 1 decade and does 12 bibles = 1 terrible ?
Bumper Stickers, love them or hate them, they are here to stay.
If You Can Read This, I Can Slam On My Brakes And Sue You
1,000,000 Sperm And YOU Were The Fastest??
Jesus Loves You, The Rest Of Us Think You're An Idiot.
Forget World Peace -- Visualize Turning Off Your Turn Signal!
HANG UP AND DRIVE!
Where There's A Will...There's Money !
Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?
I Have The Body Of A God .......... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
This Bumper Sticker Exploits Illiterates
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Honk If Anything Falls Off
He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit
I Haven't Lost My Mind - It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere
"Thanks to Lynn for a fresh supply of these stickers that give us hours of fun on the M1 "
MAKES YOU THINK
If you mixed vodka with orange juice and milk of magnesia, would you get a Phillip's Screwdriver?
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled?
When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts," and you put your two cents in, what happens to the other penny?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why do croutons come in airtight packages when it's just stale bread to begin with.
When cheese gets it's picture taken, what does it say?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged,models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and dry cleaners depressed?
Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
If people from Poland are called "Poles," why aren't people from Holland called "Holes?"
Thanks to Karen for these.
So now it's your turn. As you can see, any form of humor will do.
I will be doing a Sick joke special page, so you can now mail me all your sick jokes here 